That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
found the other keg... it's in the tree
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
