she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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