just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
