I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
be right there i have to get my cape
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
