"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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