Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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