i would punch a child for taco bell
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
