the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
