He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
