You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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