you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How naked do you want me to be?
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