Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Mom said you looked used
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
