On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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