Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
