Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
