some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
