Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
