Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i believe in u and ur pee
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
