did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
