why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
