dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What a dumb baby whore.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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