can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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