She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
