that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
