I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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