When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
