walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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