guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's not cheating when I paid for it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
