She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
