he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
