the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We named our party play list daddy issues
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
