I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
