just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need moral support for this bender
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
