I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize