i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
