Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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