oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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