I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
