If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
