my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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