you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
