Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
