i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
