I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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