You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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