I showed him my bush... on skype.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
