Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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