Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
