It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
