I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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