Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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