Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
