dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
