sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
