Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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