Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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