Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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