I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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