He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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