well you can't waste a boner
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
