So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
