you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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