wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
