after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
