Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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