He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
