i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
