I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish I only lived at night.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
