did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
