Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
