this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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