So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
