but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
