tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
