Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
