I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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