i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
