Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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