Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
