Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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