this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
