how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
