so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
