You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
