to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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