It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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