we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
3pm strippers are depressing
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
