did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
