its not stalking. its research.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
