its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
